Anger

IRRITABLE
WOUND-UP
AGGRESSIVE
LASHING OUT
FEELING EXPLOSIVE
LOSING IT
MESSING UP

What is anger?

Everyone gets angry and knows how anger feels. It can be mild – like being irritated with someone – or it can be extreme with explosive rages – your blood pressure rises, you get an adrenalin rush, your heart races, you feel tense and can’t think about anything else.

Anger is a normal reaction to feeling attacked, let down, hurt, rejected, frustrated or treated unfairly. It can be a really good way to defend yourself, to motivate you to overcome problems and to let other people know how you feel.

But anger can go badly if you lose control. If you shout and rage then people will learn to avoid you – they won’t want to be around someone who keeps ‘losing-it’. Partners and loved ones may be afraid of your temper and back-off, friends keep their distance and people at work just won’t want to know.

Being angry can feel good and give you energy. Instead of feeling hurt or unhappy about something bad that has happened you feel strong and in-control. But the consequences of repeatedly losing your temper are usually bad. And the truth is that problems mostly don’t get solved by losing it.

What can you do about your anger?

1. Get to know what makes you angry – For example

  • People putting you down
  • Sarcastic comments
  • Criticism
  • Frustration with things not going right
  • Tiredness
  • Alcohol or drugs
2. Get to know the signs that you are becoming angry and out of control

  • Physical tension
  • A familiar thought that goes through your head.
  • Dwelling on that thought, over and over
  • A familiar feeling in your stomach
  • Muscles tensing up
  • Pacing up and down
3. Take control of your body

  • Remove yourself from the situation – physically and emotionally if possible
  • Check your breathing to slow you down – Try sitting or lying down in a comfortable position. Take a deep breath…hold this and count slowly to three ……then breathe out slowly…continue this until you feel more relaxed and your heartbeat slows down.
  • Do some physical exercise – take a walk, work-out, swim, run
  • Try a relaxation exercise – like meditation
  • Count backwards from 20 to 1 …slowly
  • Listen to some music …maybe dance or just chill – whatever works for you
4. Take control of your mind

  • Remind yourself to ‘keep your cool’
  • Imagine yourself somewhere you always feel calm – try to imagine it
  • Start to think…

Are you taking things too personally – are you over-reacting? Is it because your frustration about lots of different things is coming out in one explosive rage – maybe you have been holding it in for weeks and now it all comes out in response to something quite small. People just won’t understand why you are reacting so strongly and will think your anger ‘crazy’ – this will make you feel even worse because they won’t take you seriously.

Are you really listening to what other people are saying? Are you jumping to conclusions because you are just so wound-up… try to see the other person’s point of view. Try writing down what you are thinking and feeling…it might help you make sense of what is going on. Try to talk it through with someone you trust – they may help you see things more clearly.

Can you find a way to be assertive rather than aggressive? Speak calmly, don’t shout, explain why you are angry rather than just being angry.
The ‘Is it worth it’ test – Consider whether it is worth getting involved. You can’t fight every battle. Try thinking about the consequences of getting involved – both now and in the future. Will it matter in a few month’s time? How important is it?

Take a step back – create some distance between yourself and the situation/ person that is making you angry and consider your options rather than doing something you might later regret.

Don’t look for trouble – keep your distance from situations that make you angry but also learn new ways to cope with these situations so that you don’t have to avoid them forever.

Other Options:

Try talking the problem over with someone you really trust. Take a look here for more tips on helping yourself.

Speak to your doctor/GP about the problem – help with anger management is available on the NHS:
http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/leaflets/Controlling%20Anger.pdf

For useful tips try this MIND booklet on dealing with anger:
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/dealing_with_anger

Or take a look at these websites:

www.leeds.ac.uk/ahead4health/anger.htm – The Ahead4health website has a useful advice page on managing anger.

www.everymanproject.co.uk/ – Offers self-help strategies, information for people who feel they have an anger problem and for partners seeking help, and a counselling programme.

www.angermanage.co.uk/how-to-control-anger/keep-cool.html – This page from the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) offers a how to keep your cool kit, including anger management activities, handling anger, and calming strategies for defusing difficult situations.

www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/coping_angermanagement1.shtml – The BBC Health site has information on understanding anger and how to deal with it.