A recent survey of 2,500 football fans suggests that football is ‘institutionally homophobic’. The survey found that 70% of fans had heard anti-gay abuse in grounds in the past five years and more than half felt authorities did not do enough about it. Plus, five out of six football fans supported legal action against fans guilty of the alleged anti-gay abuse against Sol Campbell at the Tottenham Hotspur v Portsmouth game in 2008.  What do you think?  We have seen racism kicked out of football in the past years, can we do the same with homophobia? 

So why are there no openly gay football players? 63% of fans in the survey blamed the prospect of anti-gay abuse from fans as the reason why there were no openly gay players in the Premier League, Championship and Leagues One and Two. Overall a third of fans believe gay professional players are unable to come out because clubs, managers or team-mates would discriminate against them or subject them to anti-gay abuse. Justin Fashanu, the first football star to come out and openly admit he was gay to the public, committed suicide in 1998. The rising star, who some believed would have gone on to play for England, experienced hostility from other players in the 1990s when his sex life came into focus. Will a top footballer ever risk going public again?

However, the survey suggested that most fans did want to see an end to homophobia in the sport, with 64% saying football would be better off without anti-gay abuse and more than two-thirds saying they would feel comfortable if a player in their team came out. But why aren’t we doing more to make this happen?

So just how many openly gay players will we see on the field during this summer’s World Cup, and how does this impact on the fans?

The beautiful game may have taken steps to reduce racism within the ranks, but has not even begun to tackle homophobia, why is this?

If you’re interested in finding out more about this issue or getting involved check out the following websites:

The Justin Campaign website: http://www.thejustincampaign.com/

The gay football supporter’s network: http://www.gfsn.org.uk/

So why are we getting legally high? Do we assume it is safe because it is legal? Are we curious about whether these drugs work? Are our mates putting us under pressure? Do we just want to have fun? Have you ever tried a legal high?

For some users drugs can offer a break from difficult feelings. Is it OK to use drugs to Sort Out Stress?

Using drugs to manage our mood often leads to further difficulties in life. Everybody can experience difficult emotions and there are other ways in which we can cope. For info on this visit our section on mental health.

If you’re worried about your drug use or concerned about a friend or family member visit your GP or check out the web links below.

For independent drug advice visit:

http://www.talktofrank.com/home_html.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/drug-misuse/Pages/Introduction.aspx

For more articles related to Mephedrone visit:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/09/flawed-thinking-mephedrone

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/legal-highs-crackdown-is-doomed-to-failure-say-experts-1690414.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/health/newsid_10080000/newsid_10082300/10082304.stm

http://www.nhs.uk/news/2010/03march/pages/legal-high-drug-meow-mephedrone-death.aspx

You’ll find loads of useful and interesting information about stress related issues on our other pages and loads of links to helpful sites in our Get Help section on the right hand side of each page.

This site also enables you to ask us a question. A confidential way for you to ask any question about stress, depression, anxiety or any other personal problems that you may have. We will try and answer your question within five working days. Your question will not be posted for public viewing.

Are media reports of the ‘enemy within’ and terrorism feeding into young men’s 21^st century fear and anger at losing their jobs and being skint? We’ve seen it before. In the 1980’s, riots erupted across the United Kingdom at an alarming rate. Unemployment rose from 1.5 million to 2.5 million in 12 months, similar to levels we see in the present credit crunch. In the hot summers of 1981 and 1985 Black British and Asian individuals clashed in Handsworth, Birmingham. Violent racism arose from poor social conditions and unemployment, with 35 people ending up injured and 2 dead.

People suggested that the influx of migrant workers taking low paid jobs in the 1970’s led to a generation of frustrated British youth out of work. Will history repeat itself with the credit crunch squeezing young men out of jobs? (link) Are we about to see similar events nationwide?

Leaders of Casuals United say their diverse members come from many different backgrounds including businessmen.  What makes sorted people with jobs want to be part of a rioting mob? Is something missing in their lives too? Do we all crave a ‘tribe’ identity? Commentators have suggested that members of groups such as Casuals United are mostly former football hooligans drawn from the terraces. Recent violence between fans at a West Ham v. Millwall football match was shocking, and took many back to the so-called ‘dark days of football’, in the late 1970s when violence was much more common. Is this also a warning of what is to come?

Do such organisations and riots give a feeling of belonging to a generation of disillusioned, unemployed and angry young men?

Being out of work can sometimes feel like you are contributing nothing to society.  This is stressful, frustrating and depressing. A job means an identity, a sense of belonging. But there are other ways to find this. How about joining a sports team? Exercise is a great way of relieving tension, and being part of a team with a common goal can give purpose and be pretty fun. Volunteering with youth groups could make you feel part of an inner city community. Would this go some way to belonging? Sometimes a group identity can be a positive thing. How about civil rights protests? Anti-war demos?

Are you part of a ‘tribe’? Is it supporting a football team? Listening to certain bands? ………Let us know what gives you a feeling of belonging…

Links

Volunteering –

http://www.volunteering.org.uk/

http://www.do-it.org.uk/

http://www.timebank.org.uk/

Civil rights –

http://www.stopwar.org.uk/

http://www.proudtobemad.co.uk/posters.html

http://www.liberty-human-rights.org.uk/

News links –

http://www.birminghammail.net/news/birmingham-news/2009/07/11/birmingham-city-centre-rally-unites-against-racism-97319-24126250/

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/police-arrest-35-at-birmingham-protest-1770030.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/aug/09/defence-league-casuals-birmingham-islam

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2009/aug/26/west-ham-millwall-violence-fa

Okay, we have heard all about bankers, pensions and the price of houses.  But what is the impact of the credit crunch on young people? It’s bad. It could mean that you don’t have a job or that if you do have a job then you’ve more chance of losing it.

The statistics tell the story. Nearly 20% of those aged 16-25 are unemployed.  And in the last year nearly half of those people who lost their jobs were under 25. This leaves nearly one million young people who are not in education, training or employment – bad news. So bad in fact, that the media now calls you ‘NEETs’ (not in education, employment or training).

Why have young people been hit so hard? Firstly, with so many people chasing so few jobs employers can pick those with the most experience and training – most young people just haven’t had the time or opportunity to get either. Secondly, those young people who do have jobs can fall victim to a ‘last in first out policy’ as companies make redundancies in a desperate bid to save money. Thirdly,  the big employers have tried to save money by cutting-back on all their training schemes – so there is no way for young people to get a first chance at developing new skills. And finally we know that over the last 20 years or so a lot of the jobs that went to young people who had left school without qualifications have disappeared – such as apprenticeships, construction work and heavy industry.

So what happens while you wait for the economy to change? You could just get depressed, angry, bored and frustrated. No job = no power, no money, no control and no self-esteem. How do you prevent this from grinding you down?

Perhaps you have to get very creative and focussed about your job hunting….. find some training even if its not quite what you wanted……make sure that job centre staff DO give you proper advice and help. Maybe you look at doing more exercise/ sport to work off your stress? And if you are feeling very stressed and down do look at some of the pages on this website to find tips on managing depression, anxiety and anger.

And what about volunteering? This is often ignored. It’s a good way to get work experience, to give some structure to your day, to develop some skills and self-confidence, and feel that you are doing something worthwhile.  And you should get your expenses paid and maybe a free lunch. Employers are impressed by young people who have made the effort to do this. Check out the volunteering websites at the bottom to see if there’s something out there that interests you. We’ve also added some links which offer information and advice on finding jobs, training and general support for young people.

Have you got any good advice on how to survive the credit crunch?

Tell us what you think ….How are you coping? What more can young people do to help themselves? ….

Useful links:

Support for young people in Camden:

The Camden Under 25’s Advice Centre (0207 974 4595) offers support and advice to young people in Camden on issues including: benefits, money education, and personal problems: www.camden.gov.uk/young

Careers advice in Camden: http://www.camden.gov.uk/ccm/content/contacts/non-council-contacts/contacts-for-careers-advice.en

Direct.Gov has lots of advice and information on benefits, redundancy, improving your skills and finding jobs:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/index.htm

http://backtowork.direct.gov.uk/index.html

The BBC News website has tips on how to survive the recession e.g. redundancy, debts and job hunting: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7886769.stm

The Citizens Advice Bureau has a website with specific advice and support for young people such as where to get find training or work schemes:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/life/employment/young_people_and_employment.htm

The Youth Information site has advice and information on unemployment, training schemes and advice on looking for work:

http://www.youthinformation.com/Templates/Section.asp?NodeID=89742

The Site.org has lots of information and advice on work and study including, study choices, getting a job and volunteering:

http://www.thesite.org/workandstudy

Volunteering websites:

http://www.do-it.org.uk/

http://www.timebank.org.uk/

http://www.volunteering.org.uk/

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/HomeAndCommunity/Gettinginvolvedinyourcommunity/Volunteering/index.htm

So does Heavy Metal really turn people into monsters ?

No, more likely the soldiers use loud, fast, heavy rhythms to get into a  hyped-up trance state in which they are cut-off from their normal feelings.  That way they can cope with the appalling things that they are about to face – the possibility of their own death, the death of their friends, the reality of killing others and the sight of mutilated bodies. Maybe the fact that they have to hype themselves up like this is a good sign – showing that even for soldiers killing doesn’t come easy.  Or is it time for another moral panic about what music does to young people ?   Remember all that stuff about Gangsta rap fueling violence.

If you have ever watched an American war movie you will have heard the Marines Hymn  http://www.contemplator.com/america/marine.html – once you have recovered from that you will be desperate for Master of Puppets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z-hEyVQDRA

What do you think ?  What does music do for your mood ?

When my girlfriend told me she’d tried a pregnancy test, it was pretty clear from the look on her face what the result was. A wave of fear hit me and my mind started racing. We hadn’t planned to have a baby. I thought: I’m not ready for this! We can’t afford to do this! What are we going to do? My blasé and stress-free existence could be over! My present life seemed to be under threat of becoming my former life.

For a while after our discovery, I was certain we as a couple weren’t ready for a baby. When I had thought about where I wanted to be when we had kids, I’d expected things would be stable and secure; I’d have a secure job, enough money in the bank, and have fulfilled many of my irresponsible ambitions. After a little time and a lot of emotional discussions we agreed that we could do it, despite not being in the stable and secure situation I had envisaged.

Unplanned pregnancies are not unusual. Whilst it can be difficult, it’s important to talk openly together, get help and advice and agree on the right decision for both of you. As I realised 9 months is plenty of time to get yourself prepared. Although having enough money obviously helps, you don’t need to buy the baby everything. The most important things are those that can’t be bought. Try to be there as much as possible to fulfil his or her basic needs such as: feeding (breast milk’s free!), sleeping, burping, changing, warmth, comfort and cuddling – all of which can be enjoyable for you too!

We’re Pregnant!

So we were going to have a baby! Becoming a Dad was becoming a reality and there was 9 months or so to get my head round the idea. I conquered my selfish what about me?! thoughts and started to look forward to being a Dad.

Telling our families the news was exciting. It was going to be their first grandchild – and all the excitement made us feel special too. Having supportive friends also really helped. Early on, when I still wasn’t sure, I talked about my worries with my best mate. He was surprisingly upbeat (even a bit envious) – it meant a lot to me to know that he thought I should do it and that I would be a good Dad. Such a positive reaction helped me feel more optimistic and proud about it.

If you can, try to attend appointments (especially the big ones: scans, seeing a Consultant and ante-natal classes) – she will really appreciate your support and it might be helpful if you have any questions to ask.

Early on it can be useful to do some background reading on the whole process – during and after. There are an overwhelming number of books out there, but I found something clear and straightforward (with lots of pictures), which covers the pregnancy and how to prepare for the birth was best. You should also be able to get a booklet called ‘Birth to Five’ which we got through our Doctor for free. It’s also helpful to speak to parents and anyone you know with kids as they will probably have been through similar experiences and have lots of advice.

I also found it helpful to understand what happens at the hospital, about the birth and having a birth plan (the websites at the bottom can help with this). As well as reading about it, we did some research about the hospital’s facilities, plus going to antenatal classes and visiting the labour ward helped us get to know the hospital and get a feel for where it was going to happen.  Make good use of the Midwives and Doctors by asking questions – if it’s your first time there are a lot of new things to get your head around.

Hello Baby!

One of the most memorable experiences during the pregnancy was the first scan at 12 weeks. At the hospital I was excited, but not sure how I’d feel. As soon as I heard and saw the heartbeat, and watched this little person wriggling and rolling around on the screen it really hit home, it made everything much more real and I think it was the first time I felt a strong bond towards the baby.

A Helping Hand

As I found during the pregnancy, it can sometimes feel like your job has been done – but it hasn’t. It really helps if you’re there for mum and try to understand what she’s going through. She’ll appreciate your support be it for her back (more pillows), emotional or getting off your arse to cook her something nice to eat.  Remember: we’ve got it pretty easy. Yes, we might start to feel like her slave, but her body goes through a lot of changes, making it harder for her to move around, get sleep, and do things she used to take for granted like putting her shoes on – so don’t hold it against her!

Being there for her, in my experience at least, can help us feel we have a role in the pregnancy. It’s also good practice for becoming more responsible if you can be a bit selfish and lazy like me. It might not be easy to get used to, but in time you’ll get better at multi-tasking and it gets you prepared for some of your Dad duties later on.

The Big Day

The birth itself wasn’t the natural, drug-free one we planned for. My girlfriend was stuck in bed for nearly a week – frustrated, bored, uncomfortable and often in pain and I had to travel to and from the hospital. There was a lot of waiting and wondering about when something would start happening for the first few days and why they weren’t doing more to speed things up.

This was another experience I perhaps naively, thought would be quicker, more enjoyable and exciting. When we arrived that night I thought we’d be in the hospital for a short time and then return home victoriously a few days later – that was wishful thinking.

When my girlfriend was finally ready to go to the labour ward it was a big relief that we’d get more regular support from staff. There was yet more waiting and discomfort for my girlfriend, but things started speeding up as the baby made its way out slowly. There wasn’t much brow mopping or hand holding from me, by that stage she just wanted to get on with it so I was relegated to a fairly crap motivator: offering some slightly weak and obvious comments like “keep going” “that’s it, keep pushing…”.

The memory of it all is a bit of a blur and I hadn’t slept properly for nearly 2 days at that point. I was a dazed and speechless spectator as far as I can remember, as people were gathered round the business end. There were some complications during labour which meant that in the end a stocky Paediatrician had to pull my son out hurriedly by his head, again not the lovely image of birth I had in my head, but you can’t have everything!

But then he was finally here. Our pink, puffy and soggy baby was put on his Mum’s chest for a cuddle and I said “It’s a boy!” (this was basically my contribution). Then I had a good old cry for a while, staring in amazement at this little person, as one of the Doctors did the standard checks.

Then I finally got to hold him and it was great just looking at his little scrunched up and bewildered face – much like anyone might look if they’d been yanked out of a comfy bed and into a brightly lit room, with big tired faces staring down at them at early o’clock in the morning! But it was a really happy moment. I was finally a genuine Dad and it felt great.

When it comes to the big day emotions will obviously run high, but again it’s important that you can be there for your girlfriend who will probably go through a lot of discomfort and pain, so be ready for your thoughts and feelings (important though they are) to take a bit of a back seat.

Also if I can give one piece of advice: it’s helpful to be aware of and open to the fact that while things might go as you want (e.g. smoothly and quickly), everything you planned for might not happen, and this may be for reasons that are beyond your control. But don’t fight it as there is often not much anyone can do about it since the process varies from Mum to Mum.

One final thing lads, if you’re wondering what it might be like giving birth, I’ve heard from a few Mums that it’s like pooing out a watermelon (it’s hard not to wince at that!) – I hope that puts it in perspective for you!

What now?

When we got back home it was a huge relief. We were in a daze in those first days and weeks, partly from the reality that we were actually parents, partly through not having a lot of sleep. After all the visits from family, friends and the photos etc, we were able to have some much needed time to ourselves, start getting to know our son and get a feel for what it was like being parents. I was lucky enough to be able to take nearly 3 weeks paternity leave off work and I’d recommend it to every Dad to take it if you can and make the most of it.

Getting used to the change in lifestyle and putting ourselves second came fairly naturally – we just got on with it, learning by doing but also asking our parents for advice if we weren’t sure about the finer details. I quickly got used to changing him and accepted early on that I’d probably get weed, pooed, vomited on at times. I eventually became pretty skilled at taking off the dirty nappy, wiping, cleaning and putting the new nappy on without getting a fountain of wee in the face (as happened once).

We also spent many hours walking him around in his buggy trying to get him to sleep or coaxing him to sleep by dancing him to sleep with music. We’d talk to him and shake the multitude of toys he had in front of his face hoping to claim that first smile or giggle, and I developed a baby talking voice which would probably sound pretty annoying in any other walk of life.

There are too many things to mention here like all those firsts (e.g. the first bath, smile etc), but overall, spending time with him, just watching him and seeing how amazing and committed my girlfriend was (and is) as a Mum was great – again being there and doing the little things for baby and Mum can make a big difference.

Going back to work wasn’t easy – it felt strange leaving them to it so early on, but at this time it helped that she had friends and family nearby to help if she needed it and later on I managed to get a day off a week to look after him, which has been a great way to bond with him and hone my Dad skills.

As if one wasn’t enough we’re now expecting number two! I’m pretty chilled about this one – I think what I learnt the last time has given me a lot of confidence this time round and as long as I still get a little bit of time to myself now and then I’m happy.

Although there are similarities, each Dad (and parents in general) can have very different experiences in terms of trying for a baby, pregnancy, the birth and what happens next and all these can probably seem even more intense if you’re a young Dad. With that in mind, we’d welcome any comments Dads or Mums have about this article and in general. How was it for you? If you’re a young Dad or Mum – what’s it like? Has there been anything you’ve found easy or hard about becoming a parent? If you’re a single parent what’s that like? Let us know what you think…

Also check out the links below which offer lots of information and advice for new parents and young Dads:

NHS Choices have a pregnancy guide which includes loads of useful information and advice on becoming a parent and the pregnancy:

www.nhs.uk/planners/pregnancycareplanner/Pages/PregnancyHome.aspx

The NHS Choices pregnancy section has specific information for Dads on what to expect, supporting your partner, paternity leave, birth and beyond:

www.nhs.uk/planners/pregnancycareplanner/pages/Dadshome.aspx

The Young Fathers website has specific advice, information and links to useful services for young Dads (check out the Are You An Expectant Father? and Housing And Working sections in particular):

www.young-fathers.org.uk/

The Dad Info website gives information and advice about becoming a Dad and related areas: www.dad.info/fatherhood/

The Dads Space website offers lots of ‘No Nonsense’ advice and support for Dads (you can also email them with any questions you have):

www.dads-space.com/advice/default.aspa

YourCamden magazine has a free, downloadable supplement with lots information for parents in Camden, including the Camden Dads Project:

www.camden.gov.uk/ccm/cms-service/stream/asset/?asset_id=1572154

El-Hadji Diouf surely tops the OPTA stats for frequency but the man has absolutely no sense of style or occasion.  He is football’s version of a spitting tart, tempted by just about anything in a pair of shorts.  But there have been great spitting moments in Premier league football. Surely Vieira’s attempted soaking of Ruddock was the real thing, pure football theatre.  Two men gloved in hatred, the adrenalin driven lunge and a power-shower of saliva.

Regrettably Cesc Fabregas was far too coy and his case must go to the Dubious Spits Panel.   The alleged offence took place in that most secret of places, the players tunnel, so we have no footage to confirm his guilt or innocence.  But mystery and suspicion create  their own excitement and ultimately it’s all down to the man and his reputation.  The case for the prosecution includes stomping about the pitch in a hood and leather jacket making aggressive gestures, and the memory of that Michael Ballack incident.

But the defence say this is all circumstantial.  Strutting on the pitch thumbing your opponents in the direction of the dressing room might be foolish and provocative, but it is hardly proof of spitting.  The Ballack footage is inconclusive and the player’s failure to wipe his face probably favours the defence.  Fabregas has vigorously protested his innocence and denied that he has ever spat at anyone. Should we doubt the word of a man with such a sweet smile?

It is too late for DNA testing.  Anyway it is well known that by the time the players have returned to their changing rooms there is so much spit in the tunnel that stragglers have to swim their way back.  It has been rumoured that some of the Arsenal midfield have won their places this season simply by virtue of having a life-guard certificate.

Moreover, we all know that the Hull management team are suffering from a collective loss of sanity.  That early season success created delusions of grandeur but once the bubble burst they went down the usual path of football madness.  First we had Phil Brown playing the Cloughian macho-showman, humiliating his own players in front of their fans.  Then we saw the inevitable paranoia and rage against imagined plotters and persecutors.  Have you considered, Mr Brown, that Mr Wenger might be the kind of man to spit into his hand before shaking your flesh?

There are different types of spitting.

Firstly there is casual and impersonal spitting; I stand on the street corner with my mates and repeatedly spit onto the ground without a care for passers-by.  I know that spitting is antisocial and offensive, and my action is a sneering statement of indifference and defiance.  If you challenge me you will be at risk, because I am powerful and do what I want.  I have marked my territory and space, asserted my strength and warned off potential rivals.  This is a crude and primitive expression of male machismo.    Looking at music it is interesting to see that the Grime Scene refers to spitting rather than rapping.   Grime, with its fast, fierce and dark tone is about inner city youth using music to give voice to harsh feelings and rage. The words are about self-expression, saying what they think, being heard, defiance and marking their space – check out this video by Bashy.

So we could say that footballers feel free to spit because it is part of the macho image of the sport, men asserting their masculinity and disregard for rules.  (Perhaps Ruddock had spent much of the match taunting Vieira for being a man that swallows his own saliva….   So we can finally understand Vieira’s retaliation).   I think this is partly true but not the whole picture.

It may also be that footballers spitting onto the ground is a symbolic way of show commitment to their team, to their fans and to winning the game.  During exercise we produce extra saliva, so those poor footballers may feel that they are almost drowning in it.  It irritates and distracts and like an annoying fly and must be swatted away so that they can concentrate on what really matters.  Just think about when footballers spit – after shooting wide (I am spitting away the distraction of my failure and getting ready to try again), before taking a free-kick or corner (I am concentrating totally on getting this right and I don’t want any distraction) and after being fouled (this has only made me more determined to take revenge and defeat the opposition). When footballers spit they are showing the fans and their teammates their grit and determination.  They are so completely wrapped up in winning and so passionate for the cause that they disregard taboos about spitting.  This is why there is no spitting after scoring a goal.  Success has been achieved and at least for a brief moment the intense focus and concentration can be relaxed.

But that is impersonal spitting.  It is something else to spit intentionally at another person or indeed at their feet.   Such spitting is an expression of uncontrolled aggression and pure contempt.   It is a way of shaming, degrading and humiliating by leaving the victim covered in someone else’s waste product. If we are spat-upon we feel contaminated and dirty.  It is universally seen as shocking and disgusting.

Football would be better without any kind of spitting, whether personal or impersonal. After all, what do other athletes do with their saliva ?  When did you last see the referee spit ?  (just try to picture it).  I can’t recall seeing too many tennis players or cricketers spitting.  No…they swallow it.   And when they are angry they mostly control themselves or find other less offensive ways to express their feelings.  It would be wrong to get too hung-up on spitting as the evil face of football.  The media loves to find us people to hate and demonise and we can be far too ready to collude with this nonsense.  Dangerous tackles are the bigger enemy of the game – I for one would live better with occasional saliva soaking than a shattered leg and career.  That doesn’t make spitting okay; we just need to keep it in perspective.  In the meantime best we issue all footballers with a set of match-day hankies.

Tell me what you think about spitting …………….
And for those who just might be interested ……

What is spit ? Well it’s that slippery stuff we call saliva and it’s produced by the salivary glands in the mouth.  These glands are found on the inside of each cheek, on the bottom of the mouth and under the jaw at the very front of the mouth.  They produce two to four pints of fluid a day.  Saliva is mostly made up of water and we really need it.  It wets our food to make it easier to swallow.  It keeps the tongue moist (a dry tongue means you lose your sense of taste),  it starts the process of digestion by beginning to break it down before it gets to the stomach and it contains antibacterial elements that help to you’re your mouth clean and to fight off infections. Some people have abnormally strong reflexes from their salivary glands – which means they naturally expel large volumes of saliva into their mouth. Now some of these people have salivary ducts that point out of their mouths instead of into their mouths ………  ( A defence for serial football spitters ?)

In reality it was a nightmare.  I was struggling to find work in film and TV, a field where I was competing with a ridiculously high number of people for a ridiculously low number of jobs, knowing full well that if I did strike “lucky” I’d be working insanely long hours for barely enough money to cover my basic living expenses.  Meanwhile in terms of a social life, my flatmate (and pretty much my only friend in the entire city) got into a serious relationship within a week of my arrival and this left me pretty isolated.  Up until that point I’d always had a firm plan of where I was going and what I was doing with my life but suddenly I found myself with barely any social life, no work prospects and temping from week-to-week in order to cover the cost of a living in a city where I actively hated my life.

It was about that time I became a musician.  For a few years I’d messed about with a guitar in my bedroom, playing songs I knew I’d never play to anyone and making up fictitious albums I knew I’d never record but, in my desperation for something to change, I started playing songs at open mics and, from then on, to playing proper gigs for the first time in my life.  For one thing it was a way of meeting people but far more importantly hammering away at a guitar whilst bellowing lyrics over the top was probably the one thing that actually took my mind off how badly my life was going wrong and gave me a rush of euphoria that made up for everything else going on around me.

It was a close-run thing, and I nearly quit London to move back to my parents’ house near Bristol on at least 6 separate occasions but in the end those brief periods of euphoria were just enough to keep me hanging around long enough to start to make friends and start enjoying my life in London the way I’d hoped I would.

Five years on I can’t imagine living anywhere else in the world but for those few months that feeling of release I got from playing music was the only thing that kept me going through one of the most stressful parts of my life.

Ian Button, who played guitar in 90s indie/dance crossover behemoths Death in Vegas and now produces and performs with various underground London acts (including my own band Paul Hawkins & Thee Awkward Silences) agrees “I think most people, including non-musicians, can appreciate the obvious cathartic benefits of plugging in an electric guitar and turning it up REALLY loud, or bashing away the stresses of the day on a set of drums.”

Of course, you don’t have to play music to benefit from it.  Listening to music on its own can be a fantastic means of fighting stress.

Gareth Main, editor of national free independent music magazine Bearded, explains:

“One of the most depressing and stressful times of my life was relieved somewhat by what is now my favourite record of all time – Love’s masterpiece ‘Forever Changes’. it wasn’t the details of the music that helped, it was the fact that music can be beautiful, and this beautiful piece of work slapped a great big smile on my face, I don’t think I’ve been overly stressed since.  When I do feel down nowadays, music helps me through. It doesn’t even have to be beautiful music per se.  If it sends volts up my spine and throws me around my bedroom -  that rush is just as good to say ‘fuck you’ to life and all its troubles.”

Indeed, in recent years research has suggested that music can be shown to benefit both body and mind in various ways:

• Music with a strong beat stimulates brainwaves to work in response to it; with fast tempos increasing your concentration and making you feel more alert and slow tempos making you feel more relaxed and increasing concentration. So whether you want to motivate yourself to face whatever’s stressing you out or calm yourself down for a while, listening to music can be a simple and effective solution.

• Listening to music can bring about a positive state of mind, keeping you creative, motivated and optimistic and staving off stress and negative thoughts.

• Listening to certain kinds of music can actively slow down your breathing and heart rate and lower your blood pressure so it actually has physical health benefits too.

So next time life gets on top of you, play an instrument if you have one or takes five minutes out to listen to your favourite song.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s something that relaxes you, something that makes you scream your frustration out at the top of the voice or something that makes you dance around the room grinning like an idiot.  Music won’t solve your problems but it will make them a damn sight easier to deal with (check out our Helping Yourself page for more tips on managing stress).

Written by Paul Hawkins. Photo by Richard Johnson.

People say it began at Birmingham. A lot of the focus fell on Gallas, the team captain, who was slaughtered in the English press for his display of emotion at the end of the game. While all the ex-players and pundits were queuing up to voice their disapproval we heard little of the events before the game.The Arsenal full-back Sagna had been devastated by the sudden death of his brother and Gallas had spent much of the week with his team-mate and fellow-Frenchman.

And of course during the game, the bit we all know: Eduardo’s injury was shocking. He is a popular member of the squad and if some fans found the incident difficult to stomach then imagine how the players felt. They were clearly deeply affected by the sight of their friend, his leg splintered and distorted, his body motionless, being slowly removed from the pitch with an oxygen mask covering his face. Be in no doubt, the injury was appalling and without prompt treatment he could have faced amputation. Despite their professionalism, the players were visibly shaken by what they had seen. They were shocked and stressed – understandably.
We all saw Gallas sitting there at the end of the game. How do you want to call it?

Disbelief and despair that everything had gone so wrong? Rage with Clichy for his crazy lapse of concentration? Frustration with the referee for giving a soft penalty? Sheer raw pain at a week that had seen sudden death, terrible injury and failure on the field? Maybe he was just emotionally shattered by a traumatic few days – it all boiled over.

And so to the criticism in the media. Were press and ex-players simply embarrassed to see one of their own kind sitting in despair on the grass – willing to show his feelings, or maybe unable to hide them? No allowances were to be made; they went for the throat. They couldn’t see that there was more at stake than whether or not Gallas was able to do a Tony Adams style captain-marvel impersonation. ‘This wouldn’t have happened in Adams’ day’ cried the ex-pros. What they didn’t seem to remember was that Adams’ team had its own problems – drugs, gambling and alcohol. Some got away with it when the Wenger era was ushered in, others faced prison, broken marriages and very public divorce. We know the tradition that men do not show their feelings openly but express their distress though actions such as drinking, aggression, withdrawal and gambling. Let us not believe there is anything morally superior or stronger about that old macho way.

What point am I making ? One about the way that the media deals with the emotional side of sport – keeping the old macho stereotypes alive. This could all have been reported so differently. Don’t forget that it was captain marvel himself who eventually turned full-circle and founded the uniquely successful organisation Sporting Chance – somewhere that sportsmen and women could discuss problems and feelings and bring them into focus – this is vital to anyone hoping to succeed in professional sport.

So why not respect Gallas’ show of personal distress? It’s too easy to buy into the idea that it was all a failure to stay in-control, something unprofessional or unmanly. Maybe it was also a healthy willingness to show what he felt. If Arsenal’s season did go wrong, and if stress was something to do with that, well so be it – it happens and it’s human. Let’s hope that the players and the club can show more maturity than the media in their reaction to all this. Hopefully next year the team won’t be so cruelly tested – but if they are then perhaps they will be all the stronger to cope with it.

What do you think?